Life is a challenge, meet it.

So I got a little slack on doing these blog post. In case anyone is following along (yeah right) or is new to reading my posts, here is a refresher. I am trying to be more positive in my life and have found this wonderful quote from Mother Teresa. So basically I am taking each line and writing about my experiences/goals/thoughts/etc on them. Today I am on the fourth line. Life is a challenge, meet it.


“Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.
Life is beauty, admire it.
Life is a dream, realize it.
Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it.
Life is luck, make it.
Life is too precious, do not destroy it.
Life is life, fight for it.”
― Mother Teresa

There have been many challenges in my life, especially the last few years. I had Izzy while I was going to Gaston College. This is why it took me 3 years to finish a 2 year degree. Since then, I have done nothing with it. Work has been a challenge for me. I've worked retail before and it's not so bad. However I have issues with social anxiety. It's not officially diagnosed but it's pretty darn obvious that I have it. I'm not good at handling confrontation. I don't always know what to say to an irate customer. And if I made a mistake at the expense of a customer, well I just don't want to think about that (major anxiety). This is also why I can't work in the food industry.

So, there's warehouse work, which I very much enjoy. I like being behind the scenes. The problem there is that something always seems to happen that leads to me having to quit. Like my most favorite job, Hanesbrands. I loved that job but it was second shift, so when Izzy started school, I quit. I couldn't stand the idea of her being at school all day and then me going to work all evening when she's home. Plus I would have had to find someone to pick her up. I don't have a lot of options there. And then there's my last job at Actavis. This was a great job. And it was 3rd shift so it seemed it was gonna work out well for me. No need for a babysitter (just a very sleepy Jadah). But then Izzy's dad had to go and lose his job then find another working 2nd shift (which was more like 3rd because he worked 12 hours a lot). Well, that wasn't gonna work because I didn't want to have to leave Izzy with someone every night, especially with school starting back up. So here I am, jobless again.

Like I said, I don't like confrontation so I ended up leaving those jobs in a not so professional way. This combined with the short time periods of work, make for a crappy resume. So I tried my hand at self-employment. I made flyers for tutoring and I thought for sure it was gonna work. These flyers looked amazing. But, no such luck. And since I'm babysitting, there's not much time in there for tutoring anyways. So, I tried Avon. I've done okay with it so far but I don't have a very big network besides family so it's tough to get started. Plus, no one seems to want to help a poor mother out. So, my latest venture is crochet. I'm pretty good at it and think I can get better. But it's slow to start as well. But if I stick with it, I think I can make it work. People like handmade things. But that's still not gonna be enough to live off of. Now I need to decide if I want to work fulltime and possibly have to find someone to take/pick Izzy up from school or find something I can work while Izzy is at school (but that's not a lot of hours).

I guess it's safe to say that work/money is my biggest challenge in life. And boy is it a big one. It doesn't help that I'm stubborn. I don't want to ask for help. I've already gotten help from my parents and I feel just awful for it. I know they don't mind. I know it probably makes them feel good that they're able to help their kids out. But I just hate having to ask. I'm 26 years old, I should have things mostly figured out by now. Maybe if five years ago I would have decided to end this bad relationship, I would have had some things figured out. But no, I'm stubborn and stuck with it thinking things would get better. Guess what, they didn't. That was a lesson learned the hard way. But again, I am stuck because of the whole finding a job thing and the being too stubborn to ask for help thing.

Well this was not a positive post at all so let's try to fix that. This year (oh no a resolution), I will do everything I can to make my life better. I will not give up until I am happy (or at least happier) with my life. I'm a good person and I know I deserve better than what I've got going on now. I won't blame another person's mistreatment of me for being the cause of my laziness and procrastination. It's my life, I should choose the way I want it to be. I will no longer waste my days away waiting for something better to come to me. I will make it happen!