Life is a dream, realize it.

Life is a dream, realize it. This line is important to me. I'm a big fan of dreams. Night and day. I almost always have crazy, random, weird dreams at night. Lately I've had a little trouble remembering them I think because I'm always being jolted out of sleep by an alarm in the morning. But I really need to keep a notebook by the bed so I can write down what I remember. Some of these dreams would be a great start to a good book. And it is my dream to be a writer. I also daydream a lot. I imagine different scenarios of things I would like to happen. I suppose those would be a good way to start a book as well.

I have other dreams (goals) as well. I want to be a teacher, photographer, master crafter. Yes I have lots of dreams. The problem is that I haven't realized any of those dreams. I'm stuck in a rut. I'm at a place where I'm close to obtaining my goals but I can't seem to move forward any further. I'm letting things hold me back and I know I shouldn't. I usually get these burst of motivation and I start getting things figured out and I think I'm finally gonna get to where I want to be but then I'm usually stuck waiting for something. For example, I've started my application for UNC-Charlotte but I can't complete it at the moment. For some reason, even though I'm 26 and haven't lived with my parents for 5 years, the application asks for their information. So I'm waiting to get all that info together. Of course I'm only waiting because of my own procrastination. But I know once I get the application done I will again have to wait until I have the money for the application fee. I'm not sure what it is now but I'm guessing more than $50 since that's what it was a few years ago when I was going to apply. I don't why I let something as simple as applying to college get me overwhelmed. But that's just how I am. Always sweating the small stuff.

When I was younger and dreaming about what I wanted for my life, I never dreamed I would be where I am now: 26 years old, out of high school for 9 years and all I have to show for it is an AA degree and no job. I guess the only dream I have realized is having a child. But even that isn't exactly what I expected. I always said I wanted 3 or 4 kids and I didn't want a huge age gap. But my kid is 5 years (and 3 months) old and I don't see any babies in my immediate future. I still want more kids, I just can't justify having one right now , with the state of my relationship. Plus, there's some things about myself that I need to work on.

So, if you're a young person reading this, learn from my mistakes. Don't put anything off. If you have dreams, follow them. Don't stop until you reach your goal. And even then, keep going. Update your goal. Always strive for something. It'll make life worth living. You will get discouraged, maybe many times. But keep going, you will get there if you keep trying.

Life is beauty, admire it.

"Life is beauty, admire it"

That's the second line in the Mother Teresa quote.

Lately there's been a lot of ugly in my life. But I do try to enjoy the beauty. I dream of being a photographer. I often look around at things and try to imagine taking gorgeous pictures. Things like trees, flowers, the sky. I look at my daughter a lot too. She's the most beautiful thing in my life.  I've also witnessed the beauty of new life recently. My cat just had kittens a day or two ago. I've never been that close to a newborn animal. They are so precious.

Life is supposed to be a beautiful thing but recently I've had a lot to bring me down. I've always had issues in my relationship. But these last few days have been rough on me. I won't go into detail about what's going on but it's basically leaving me feeling worthless and unmotivated. Instead of having someone hold me and tell me it's gonna be ok, I get put down even more. I'm so confused and sad (more like downright depressed but I'm not gonna diagnose myself). I don't know why it's this bad this time around. I guess when it happens so often it eventually wears you down until you just can't take it anymore. I don't even know if I'm making sense right now. I've been in a fog all day. I know I'm supposed to be happy that I have lived to see another day but sometimes I feel like I don't even want that anymore. Mostly it's just passing thoughts. And I feel bad for feeling this way because there are people going through worse things than me. I'm wasting my life but at least I'm still alive. I'm fat which means I always have plenty to eat. I have a roof over my head even though sometimes I would rather be on the streets. As gloomy as I am right now, I've always been a "stop and smell the roses" kind of person and I hope that I always will be. I guess right now my roses are wilted.

Life is an opportunity, benefit from it

So I found this quote a while back and had planned on doing a series of blog posts on it. I wanted to take each line and write about how I relate to it or interpret it. I wanted to do this so I could get some practice in blogging on a regular basis. Well, I slacked off, as I often do, and never did anything with it. So now I want to attempt again.

Here's the quote:


“Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.
Life is beauty, admire it.
Life is a dream, realize it.
Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it.
Life is luck, make it.
Life is too precious, do not destroy it.
Life is life, fight for it.”
― Mother Teresa

And here's what I have to say about the first line, "Life is an opportunity, benefit from it"

I've had many opportunities come and go in my life. A lot of them I let slip by me. But a recent opportunity has come across and I am trying my best to get the most out of it. I have started working with a few students at an elementary school. My daughter's school has amazing volunteer program. They allow people to come in and help students who need a little extra attention. It is my goal to be a teacher so I felt this would be a great way to get a little experience working with students. I work with two fifth grade students who need help with reading. If you know me, you know I love to read. So I'm trying my best to get these kids excited about reading as well. It's a slow start but I am determined.

I have also recently decided to offer tutoring services locally. I figured since I'm not working (just doing a little babysitting) that I could make a little money tutoring. This will also give me the practice I need to get ready for teaching. Of course I have to finish school first and I have been a little slack on that. But I want to take advantage of this time I have and work towards my future goals.

The hardest thing for me is actually sticking with it. I volunteer at the school only 2 days and some mornings I find myself thinking of skipping out for the day. But then I realized I made a promise to the school and these students to do my best to help them. I would be disappointed in myself if I didn't stick with it. I'm also getting a little discouraged with the tutoring thing. I've made a flyer and advertised on Facebook and Craigslist but so far I have only had one person contact me. I know me, I'm not good at following through, especially when it doesn't go the way I want it to right away. But I am determined. I will keep reminding myself of what I'm working towards. Eventually I will get there. I will find the motivation.

When I really think about the opportunities I have available to me, I realize I am a lucky person. I have the means to make my life what I want it to be. Some people don't get that. I don't want to take that for granted.