Life is beauty, admire it.

"Life is beauty, admire it"

That's the second line in the Mother Teresa quote.

Lately there's been a lot of ugly in my life. But I do try to enjoy the beauty. I dream of being a photographer. I often look around at things and try to imagine taking gorgeous pictures. Things like trees, flowers, the sky. I look at my daughter a lot too. She's the most beautiful thing in my life.  I've also witnessed the beauty of new life recently. My cat just had kittens a day or two ago. I've never been that close to a newborn animal. They are so precious.

Life is supposed to be a beautiful thing but recently I've had a lot to bring me down. I've always had issues in my relationship. But these last few days have been rough on me. I won't go into detail about what's going on but it's basically leaving me feeling worthless and unmotivated. Instead of having someone hold me and tell me it's gonna be ok, I get put down even more. I'm so confused and sad (more like downright depressed but I'm not gonna diagnose myself). I don't know why it's this bad this time around. I guess when it happens so often it eventually wears you down until you just can't take it anymore. I don't even know if I'm making sense right now. I've been in a fog all day. I know I'm supposed to be happy that I have lived to see another day but sometimes I feel like I don't even want that anymore. Mostly it's just passing thoughts. And I feel bad for feeling this way because there are people going through worse things than me. I'm wasting my life but at least I'm still alive. I'm fat which means I always have plenty to eat. I have a roof over my head even though sometimes I would rather be on the streets. As gloomy as I am right now, I've always been a "stop and smell the roses" kind of person and I hope that I always will be. I guess right now my roses are wilted.